Chester Bennington was the subject of being bullied, so am I

I had to muster enough courage to write about my bitter experience, which I had to encounter during my university life. I have never thought of writing this piece of thing because like many others, I do believe that talking about being bullied is to talk about being the “other”, which is considered self-disgraceful. So, I have always kept my experience concealed. But, today I have decided to write after going through the news of committing suicide of Chester Bennington, the fierce lead singer for the platinum-selling hard rock band Linkin Park. Obviously, there are multifarious reasons behind his drastic decision, like he was struggling with drugs and alcohol for years, was molested during his childhood, and subjected of being bullied for being skinny. I can’t but talk about the issue of bulling by keeping aside the others since I was also subjected of being bullied, and I know the mental agony of being ‘other’. I was very reticent during my university life because then I had to strive with multitudinous critical dilemmas of my family. Some of my friends took the opportunity and used to make fun and snub out of my secretiveness. However, I think, I was then a student of third semester and had just passed teenage. I never imagined that one of greatest blows was awaiting for me during that time. I took one of the compulsory courses named Social Science. The then Chairperson of Social Science Department used to teach this course. As far as I know, every semester he used to target one student and abuse him verbally. Unfortunately, I was the target of his bullying in that semester. He was obsessed with sizeism. I was skinny and still I am, and he used to take it as an arrow to pierce me. There was hardly any class in which he did not abuse me verbally. Before the whole class, he used to call me a girl, gave me a girl’s name (Tamanna) or sometimes used to call me Romzan Ali. Sometimes, he used to ask ‘are you a boy?!’ Or used to ask my friends, ‘Is she your friend’??. I used to tolerate his verbal abuse like a dumb ass. The chairperson achieved his PhD degree on Social Science and I am cock sure that he, at least received some knowledge regarding racism or stereotypical attitude, which is not confined only within the color ,gender, and race but also making someone feel different or ‘other’ because of his/her physical appearance. Some of my friends, who never spared the chance to give me a cold shoulder took it as an opportunity to taunt me. Sometimes, they used to ask question regarding my gender identity before others or call me by the given name of that professor or call me Azom Khan at the top of their voice before everyone in the class or outside class. They knew that I was like a subaltern, a voiceless voice; so, it was their legal right to kill me with their words. They knew some of my severe personal problems in my family but still they constantly jeered at me. I know the mental agony of being bullied. Sometimes, I used to cry inside the washroom of the university or sobbing while remain awake all night long, or used to argue with God by asking “God, why have you made me skinny???People humiliate me because of my skinniness……….” I couldn’t share my feeling even with my family members or close ones since I used to think that expressing my feeling to them making me ‘other’ in their eyes and they would look at me differently. I was dyeing inside bit by bit. My confidence level faced highest downfall; I was suffering from immense inferiority complex, I was on the verge of fragility. But, somehow, because of my defense mechanism, I didn’t let myself fall. But, I can’t help saying that these verbal abuses cost a huge psychological damage in my life. Like a shadow, sometimes the experience of being bullied hits me with immense force. I know, Chester Bennington could not evade the feeling of being bullied throughout his life. The experience of being bullied never left him. Depression does not have any age, race, gender, and time. And, sometimes, it is YOU, who pushed other to devour into depression. However, throughout Chester’s life, he might have suffered from this bitter experience along with other problems. In Bennington’s lyrics to hits such as “One Step Closer”, “Crawling” and “Numb”– which explored his personal insecurities and the impediments that he has overcome throughout a challenging life – misunderstood teenagers found an expression of their fears and troubles. Especially, “Numb” is the song, where the girl is getting bullied by people so much that makes her numb to the world with no friends and a sense of insecurity and fear is being portrayed here. However, People who bully others should think at least for once regarding the psychological consequence of the victim; they should replace them to the victim’s place only for once. Before, bullying someone, they should bully God because it’s the same God who made you and the victim. If you do have objection about someone’s physical appearance, then you should knead his clay and make him again otherwise, you should keep your fucking mouth shut.