Irony of Arithmophobia

It is said that math is a judgmental subject and probably I could not have been so judgmental throughout my life and thus I do possess the specialty to be scared of maths from my elementary school. After every final exam, my nights were sleepless and days were filled with endless uncanny anxieties bouts of pondering whether this year I would be promoted to the next class by kicking in the ass of the course that is called Mathematics. However, without beating about the bush, let’s come to one of the most momentous events in my life and it is obviously intersected with my phobic subject Mathematics. My father was the teacher of the same school where I used to study. As a result, he used to take ins and outs information about me. I was then a student of class ten. In the pretest exam, I successfully secured 9 out of 100 in the math exam. The name of our class teacher was Abul Kashem but each and every person knows him as Gorom Kashem Sir. You can guess the appalling impact of the entitled name. He had a rattan which was wrapped with scotch tape and I am cock sure that the weight of that rattan was 250 grams. I used to call it an iron rod. He was calling one by one like a police officer who failed in math exam and we, like the criminals were marching towards him for baton charged. I had to digest 6 or 7 flog on my back and was screaming like the king of the jungle “Tarzan”. I screamed, so that sir would be benevolent towards me and halt flogging me. After the end of first period, our Hem Babu Sir entered into the class. No sooner had he entered into the class, than he asked me,” junior Bhuiyan ( my father has the inherited name Bhuiyan which I intentionally discarded) have you passed in all the subjects”. I replied no and with a cool voice told him that I failed in maths. He again asked, “ How many marks did you get, is it 7”. That presumption really hurt my ego. Like an unheroic hero and with a roaring voice I protested and replied proudly, “what are you saying? ; How can I get 7?; I got 9”. Hearing this, sir became baffled and just told me “sit down my son, sit down”. The twist has not come to an end my friends, after the recession of the classes; I was sitting at Komolapur Station Platform with a drubbing heart since I had to face my father. I was imagining about the ambience of facing my father and to me that was more scary than the ambience of the movie ”The NUN”. I, with a melancholic heart contemplating and looking at the passengers and moving trains. Just at that, like an angel, one of my friends was passing by me. He, with an empathetic tone asked about the reason of my disconsolate face. I told him everything. He gave me a naughty smile and asked for my answer script. He, like an unimpeachable artist transformed 9 into 39. My joys knew no bounds to see this and I turned into a real hero from the unheroic one. I enrolled into the house and proudly stood before my father and proclaimed “I have passed in all the courses including maths, I got 39”. My father gifted me a blissful smile and extended his gratitude towards me. But, there is a proverb “Danger comes where it is feared” and exactly it became true in my life; on the very evening of that day, there was a sudden encounter between my father and Gorom Kashem sir. My father with a folksy voice told him “Almost all the girls in my section failed in maths; I was scared of my son but at least he passed in all the courses”. Gorom Kashem sir with a startled tone replied, “Passed!!! What are you saying; I gave him a sound beating at noon since he got 9 in the math exam”. My father came home and proffered me the good news of meeting Gorom Kashem sir and the news came to me like a bolt from the blue. He did not say anything since he gave the complete responsibility to Kashem sir to punish me. I felt relief since at least he did not say anything but I had to take circumspect preparation to face Kashem sir. On the next day, I wore two jeans pants inside my school uniform. Kashem sir was calling everyone’s roll and subsequently he called my roll and commanded me to remain stand stood. After the roll call, he asked, “Beta , how many marks did you obtain in the math exam?” I with a maudlin voice answered 9, and he again asked “how many”, I repeated 9. Then, he asked “what did you show to your father?”, I answered with a palpitated voice 39. Kashem sir with a charming voice requested me to come before the window and turn around it holding it’s helves strongly with two hands . I, like a convicted accused followed his order. He scourged me 8 to 10 times with that 250 grams iron rod and like an immaculate villain, I screamed without getting hurt. However, I successfully passed in all the courses in the test and Secondary School Certificate exams. I was relived to think that I would not have to do maths further in my life. I got admitted in English at East West University and blissfully passing my semesters without my one and only sworn enemy in my academic years. I have never appeared in the BCS exam and hardly appeared in other Government Job exams due to my math phobia. But, after getting admitted in Development Studies under university of Dhaka, I did not imagine in my wildest dream that a severe hazard was awaiting for me. There were economics, econometrics and statistics courses. Somehow, I coped up with maths and graphs of economics courses but in the econometrics and statistics classes I could neither digest nor vomit the class lectures. The classes seemed to me thunder in paradise. I tried to memorize almost everything and as a consequence I secured the pass marks. I was very happy since I did not let the hazard turned into a disaster. Thanks for going through this shit of writing and it is my humble request to be with me for one more minute. Now, I have the epiphany that I could have conquered my fear towards maths but I have never made an endeavor to learn maths and as a consequence I had to lead my whole life with a false phobia and deprived multifarious opportunities. Human-beings have the impetuous power to conquer anything except death. We have to keep in mind that fear is nothing but the state of mind and you have to cultivate the fearless spirit through proceeding forward step by step to be the ultimate conqueror.

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